Thursday, July 23, 2009

The Evil Queen



It sent a shiver down my spine as Mrs Tele'a posed with a sinister stare. She pulled out the Ox's heart from her hand bag I thought "are you for real?". In disguise as the evil queen, she was demanding proof from her mirror - "Who is the fairest of them all?"

By Raven

7 comments:

Latu said...

Hi there Raven I see you are doing alot of wonderful work in class. Your story how you retell about a teacher really hooked me in.

HOPE YOU HAVE A GRAT TIME THROUGH OUT THE YEAR.

STUDENT IN YOU CLASS:Latu
ROOM 17

Manaiakalani said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Manaiakalani said...

Awesome writing Raven. Like Latu I was hooked from the first line. The only problem is that now I want you to tell the whole story as you have a wonderful way with words.
Mrs Burt

Mrs T said...

Hello Raven. I was hooked in too by your opening line. No - not because it said Mrs Tele'a - haha. I agree with you that the Wicked Queen that day had a stare that made one feel uncomfortable! Like Mrs Burt - I do hope you are going to write some more as this start was fantastic.
Mrs Tele'a

jonty said...

Hi Raven nice work I liked the way you saiid it sent a shiver down my spine that really hooked me in to your story heaps of ideas man

Jonty

Mauina said...

HI Raven i really like your little piece of writing there you have explained alot of good ideas of how you reconised MRS Teleas costume you have put in alot of specific words to your writing which makes it sound much better i hope i would find another piece of your writing on our Blog so you can get more comments about your FANTASTIC WRITING keep up the great writing and good luck on writing another piece of paragraph you really should write another one because if the WHOLE WORLD sees it they might say WOW what a good piece of writing and they should find out that it was just a 10 year old that wrote it.maybe teachers around the world could use some of those magnificent words to teach to the kids and maybe the whole schhol.... HOPE WILL SEE ANOTHER GREAT PICE OF WRITING RAVEN!!!!

Vaha said...

Wow!Raven I see you working hard in writing and making your writing alot beter than mine.Your story really hook me in how you describle Mrs Tele'a as the evil qeen and you also have so many great ideas.


Hope You keep it up.